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Disclaimer:
The names of all characters contained here-in are the property of Jerry
Bruckheimer Films, CBS, etc. No Infringments of these copyrights are intended,
and are used here without permission. I know. I don't know if they know that I know. I'm pretty sure Viv knows. I think they know that Viv might know. I have no idea if Jack knows. Sometimes he acts like he does, other days the opposite. And they don't know that I know that Viv knows, or that anyone knows except for them. They're not that good at hiding things from professionally trained detectives and psychologists. Give me some credit. I don't know how long it's been going on for. I don't know when the shift happened. I don't know how serious it is. I do know that everyone seems different. And I know about her past with Jack. She doesn't know that I know about that. And I don't hold anything against Jack. I think she underestimates the skill of her coworkers. I also know that she has never been like this before. She seems different, if a little strange. He seems different too, but not as much. With her it's more noticeable. The way she is awkward around Jack. The way she reacted to Frank Malone's comments about blondes. She laughed, forcibly. The way she looked to me as if I would know but still thinking that I don't. Then Mr. Malone continued and she immediately turned to Martin when he said Jack liked blondes too. She can't hide it well. He's better. Except when she is in trouble. Then he wears his heart on his sleeve, over-reacting and stressing out much more than usual. Even if I hadn't seen them on the balcony, I would have known when he insisted on delivering her pizza. His desperation to see her was apparent. He knows that I know, I think. I can't tell whether he's told her that. She hasn't acted like he has. I'm not blind. I saw it coming a mile away. It was only a matter of time until one of them finally gave in. I couldn't say which one started it. She had been looking when he first arrived. Whether she made those comments because she meant them or just to get a reaction from me, I can't be sure. But I knew when he got jealous over Kellar. I knew it would eventually come. I also know that it's killing them both. We sit in a booth at Hop Lee, glancing over the menus. I'm sitting beside
him. He's sitting beside her. She's against the wall. Viv and Jack sit
across from us. It's a peculiar arrangement but no one says anything.
I see Viv look at them curiously as they peruse the types of noodle, sharing
a menu. I can't but feel somewhat sorry for them. I can see a glimpse of her hand underneath the table, slowly, almost imperceptibly, rubbing his thigh. He tries to ignore her. That is all they can have. Stolen touches, small and hidden under a table. I know that he would give anything to be able to put his arm around her, no questions asked, no stares or glares. He seems uncomfortable with her covert gesture. If he was ever one to bite his lip, he would be chewing it right now. I know he wants to tell her to stop. It's painful for him to have to hold back because of the company. It's not for my sake that he resists her. It's for the man sitting across from me. The same man who is too absorbed in his glass of water to notice them. I doubt if they kissed, Jack would even notice. I catch out of the corner of my eye, his hand slip down and grasp hers briefly. Then they both put all hands on the table. They are speaking now to Jack and Viv. I know I must look like I'm daydreaming. I can't help it. I don't know why I'm so intrigued by the actions of my partners. Maybe it's because I fear the worst. I can see the frustration creeping in already. They both want more freedom but can't have it. At least not yet. Not until all the skeletons are pushed back in their respective closets. Or until everything is dragged out into the open once and for all. Right now, there are bits and pieces of the past hanging around and no one knows what to do with them. Do they put them away or do they actually discuss them, as hurtful as that would be? They all laugh at a joke as if there is nothing going on beneath the surface. The waitress interrupts, snickering to herself as she listens to our attempts at Chinese. She takes our menus then she disappears. I am talking to Viv but I can see them in my peripheral vision. He whispers something in her ear and she smiles. I can feel the tension as they resist the urge to kiss being that close. Viv pretends not to see them. Luckily Jack is looking around the restaurant. I know it would kill me to be that close but not quite there. To be so tantalizingly close yet restricted from going further. That would frustrate me more than anything else. The tension lifts as the food arrives, much more quickly than expected. We all settle into our meals with pleasant conversation. We stay away from topics about Jack's day. Instead we discuss the same things we've been stuck talking about all day, Christmas plans, sports, weather, politics, the silliest toys we've seen advertised so far, and how Christmas season begins in July. That's a particular hot topic for Jack. He easily forgets his troubles as he starts a discourse on the commercialization of the holiday season and how it loses meaning after a while. He is exceptionally peeved at the advertisement he saw in April for a Christmas cookbook. They have no problem communicating with him this way, as there is always a nod of agreement here or a sound of encouragement there. It's when they are alone or when it becomes personal. And inevitably, this rears its head during the course of our meal. Jack mistakenly asks her what her plans are for Christmas. An innocent question seeing as how she's the only one who hadn't offered. He knows she is not working this year. Jack and I are. We all stare at her. She does her best not to glance up at him. We are all curious what she will say. I know he is curious because he knows they are spending it together. I am curious because I want to hear her excuse. I think Viv and Jack are just genuinely curious for no other reason than curiosity's sake. She shrugs, picking at her food. Jack prods. "You have to be doing something." She says she will be sleeping. This is done with the usual uncomfortable laugh that she has used so often. Jack smiles, as we all do. She doesn't elaborate any further. This seems to bother the man beside me. I know he would have liked it if she had said something as vague as "I'm spending it with some people." But that would have invited more questions. Sometimes he forgets that they can't acknowledge the existence of them. I have seen them in the office. In front of other coworkers, they will be more demonstrative, but not in front of Jack. It is really troubling them to hide it. It is my chance to lighten the mood. I lean back putting my arm around him, a grin on my face. "It's the season to share the love," I quip. This is an excuse for them to enjoy themselves tonight. "So share it!" I gesture with my other hand to him and her, then to Jack and Viv. It seems strange. And they all look confused. "Come on! Can't we share some hugs? No hanky-panky, I promise," I continue. I know Jack needs this as much as they do. He would never ask for anything though. Viv is gracious, although hesitant. I know there is some latent animosity between them but possibly this will help. We are, after all, all friends here, right? I look beside me. He is even more hesitant about my plan as he clumsily wedges his arm behind her. I notice her scooting closer to him, relaxing against him. His arm wraps around her shoulders. I catch his gaze. There is appreciation there. He now is certain that I know. Jack and Viv are similar, though not nearly as intimate. I slide out of the booth and push in beside him, mirroring Viv's stance as I drape my arm around the older man's shoulders in support. Jack also is appreciative. He laughs. We all do and everyone is smiling. I tease Jack, trying not to notice the couple across the table, his hand stroking her arm involuntarily. Neither is acutely aware of it. It seems I am the only one who sees it. After a few minutes, I take my seat again. Everyone reverts back into his or her own bubbles. She lets out a long sigh as he pulls his arm away. Everyone looks at her. She is oblivious as she spears some chicken with her fork. Finally looking up to meet everyone's gaze, she says she is just tired. She seems to use that excuse frequently now. I don't know whether it's the truth or not. I smirk. I could guess why she's tired so often and it has nothing to do with the relatively light case load lately. I briefly wish I were always as tired as she is and for the same reasons. Eventually we all finish our dishes and pay our bills. I step outside to join the rest of my team. Viv says she has to go back to the FBI to pick up her car. I offer to go with her. I have to pick up a few things to occupy my time anyway. Jack says he has to go to his father's house, which is the same direction as her place. He suggests they share a cab. Once again, it is innocent, but it creates another situation. It is obvious she had no intention of going back to her apartment. She apologizes, flustered and says she too forgot something at the office. A taxi pulls up alongside Jack. We all wave goodbye as Martin begins to walk away towards the subway. The cab pulls off and Viv, her, and me begin walking back to the FBI until she stops. I had predicted this. She makes another poor excuse to go the other direction. Viv and I don't push. Bidding her goodnight, we continue as she pulls out her cell phone and walking the direction he had gone. I see Viv smile to herself. "Saw that one coming," she mumbles. I nod. She knows too. It's only a matter of time.
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